If you’re really bored of study already, here is a link to a game that everyone in the Satellite office have been playing religiously. Suzanne (our helpful part-time designer) discovered it when she was scrolling through notcot the other day, and ever since, we’ve been drawn in by its majesty. Seriously. It’s like someone decided to come up with a game concept while on acid:

“You know what I like? Robots. And Unicorns. I’m also partial to Dolphins and Rainbows. I want to incorporate ALL these elements into a game.”

Suzanne’s putting together a sweet review for Issue 3, so you can compare and contrast your notes on this magical fanfare then.

Oh, and here’s the link:

http://games.adultswim.com/robot-unicorn-attack-twitchy-online-game.html 

Don’t forget to turn your speakers up at full blast. The soundtrack will Blow. Your. Mind.

- Analiese

Welcome to Massey University Albany!!

For those of you who have never read an edition of Satellite before, my name is Analiese, and I’m the editor of this glorious publication. I’ve been doing my job for a whole year now and have learnt so much during the past twelve months that I can definitely promise you that, this decade, Satellite will be bigger and better than ever before. With your help, we’ll be looking at everything from raging parties to parties of the political kind. We’ll get a bit rowdy, we’ll cover some hard hitting issues, but we’ll do it with the slightly “special” Satellite style that you all know and love. It’ll be O for Awesome. Trust me.

Firstly; a few fun facts about me: I’ve been studying at and involved with Massey Albany for more years than I really care to divulge, which also means that I know this place inside out (ask me if you need to know where anything is!). I collect Hello Kitty merchandise; I have an irrational fear of birds; my favourite TV show is The IT Crowd and I refuse to eat fruit and meat together because it just doesn’t taste right.

Of course, I don’t make this magazine alone. As well as the troop of dedicated Satellite contributors, I co-habit the office with Satellite’s graphic designer, Aidan, who is very good at what he does, even if he does have a penchant for playing Miley Cyrus songs during production week. Together, the two of us take all the materials that you send us, conduct strange experiments on it and use it to create the publication you see before you. Epic.

Read more »

A friend of mine, John, recently alerted me to this link, which was featured in a Club Physical newsletter recently:

http://www.wnd.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=53327

Written by Jim Rutz, a founder-chairman of the Open Church Ministries (which sounds suspiciously fundy to me), it conspires that Rutz’s theory, which appears to be based on his own opinion as opposed to any form of scientific research whatsoever, is that by feeding your young, impressionable male children soy milk, you are effectively ensuring that your little boy will become a homosexual. The reason? Rutz tells us it’s because it has been proven that there are dangerous levels of estrogen contained in soy products.

“Homosexuals often argue that their homosexuality is inborn because …[they] can’t remember a time when [they weren’t]…homosexual…” stated Rutz. “ No, homosexuality is always deviant. But now many of them can truthfully say that they can’t remember a time when excess estrogen wasn’t influencing them.”

Charming. Really charming.

  Read more »

Some of you may remember that last year I attempted to run a blog called “Eye On Exec” which tried to keep you up to date with what your elected student representatives were up to. Basically, I just turned up to meetings and scrutinised the representatives conduct and initiative (or lack thereof). I usually got a free feed, which meant that life was good. Well, this week, I’m off to Wellington to spend some time reporting on the antics of your student representatives and to gain some ammunition for my column this year as they engage in the annual New Zealand Union of Students Association January Conference, a training ground for those who aspire to transcend into the political arena.

I like student politicians. Really, I do. Believe it or not, I was one once. I don’t particularly like being mean to them. I especially don’t like it when they get all upset and hurt feeling-y and turn up all sad faced and dejected in my office. I just like to remind them now and again that they have a mandate to uphold the best interests of their student body, which means thinking about what they do before they do it. Looking before they leap, as it were. Or considering engaging a brain cell before opening their mouths and saying things that they’ll regret later. But hey, we’re all young and eager once, right? Right?

Read more »

6/01/10

I’m currently sitting in the Satellite office, which smells suspiciously like toasted sandwiches. This is odd given:

a)      There is no toasted sandwich maker in the office

b)      I don’t suspect anyone has actually made their lunch in our office kitchenette since 1998.

I’m not a big fan of any foods that give off any smell whatsoever at the moment. You see, whilst you guys were undoubtedly living it up and bringing in the New Year in style, I was battling a healthy dose of sushi-related food poisoning. I’ve heard it said before that the way in which you bring in the New Year is indicative of how the rest of your year will eventually turn out, which, personally I have mixed feelings about given that, last year, I welcomed 2009 while I was part way through assembling the worlds coolest glowstick light sabre for a gaggle of six year olds and nothing remotely space aged or Star Warsesque conspired during the remainder of the year. Disspointing? Slightly. 

Technically speaking, at 12am on January the First, 2010, I was sitting on the balcony of my friends place in Ponsonby, glass of wine in hand, watching the fireworks, so there’s no complaining in that respect. About an hour later though, I was a quivering, pathogenic mess. I didn’t even venture out to see the new decade until January the Second. Well played, twentyten. Well played.

Anyway, I digress. I’m sitting in the Satellite office desperately trying to think of something endearing and witty to start of the first publication of the new decade. It’s tough. I mean, I’m not naturally witty or endearing (yes, you can stop feigning shock and indignant horror now. I have always been vaguely aware of the fact) so it’s a lot to ask. We’ve only got three weeks and two days to put this baby together, which, after a long leisurely break, makes me want to have a minor nervous breakdown just thinking about the entire process.

Aye, here’s the plug: If you’re a Massey student and you’d like to make my life easier (or see your name in print, whichever is more appealing), why not think about contributing to Satellite? Give me a buzz either by clicking the Contact Us tab on this here webpage or flicking me an email at satellitemagalbany@gmail.com. Or visit me. It’s quiet in my office, I’d love a visitor or five. Just give a me a little bit of warning first, otherwise you might just bust me belting out Lady Gaga’s Telephone song while simultaneously jumping on the comfy, comfy Satellite couch. Not that I do that when I’m by myself. Noooooooooo…. (*looks around shiftily*).

Righto. I should probably do some real work now.

- Analiese