Well yet another shocking display of student drunkenness at the Ferguson bar in Massey’s Albany campus after the Tiki Taane concert (which was awesome, no complaints there) last week.

Now I am not your average student, I am the one that will happily put my hand up to be the designated driver, but of course that comes with the price of having to deal with incoherently drunk students who think they are making sense when all I can really understand of them is “HEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYY I *burp* YOU FR *burp* OMPU CLA…” Yes this actually happened and I did not know the person or understand them, but good on them for trying to make a friend.

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The edited version of what happened in the student forum, taken from the Massey news page online:

Vice-Chancellor answers student questions (Kinda. But not really.)

By Tabitha Dewe

Vice-Chancellor Steve Maharey hosted an on-line student forum last week to answer questions that made him look good and weren’t too curly about all aspects of the University, including fees, enrolment policies and the impact of changes to Government funding, but not about how the university is rolling over and taking it like a bitch from a government more concerned with short term financial gain, rather than the future education of our nation.

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By Aymen Al-Majmuei

Alright, so Spain made history by becoming the 8th team to win the World Cup; the first team since West Germany in 1974 to win the World Cup as European champions, the first new winner without home advantage since Brazil in 1958, and the first team to win the global showpiece having lost their opening game.

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The Case of the Missing Puppies

YouTube became real life when the Police Guy discovered Deeee Nnnnn Aaaa linking the murder of a Feilding man with an orange found in the dog’s kennel. The Curly Haired man is at this moment the main suspect, and Alf is throwing his trousers at him, to get him to talk. Don’t have a clue what is going on here? YouTube search “The Case of the Missing Puppies”.

Christians Hate Gays

A Christchurch man has claimed he was sacked from a coaching job at a Christchurch Christian school because he is gay.

The 28-year-old man told The Star newspaper he was employed at Middleton Grange School to coach one of the girls’ netball teams in February.

However, he was later told by the principal that the school’s Board of Trustees has decided his homosexuality was a problem and he could not continue in the position.

The newspaper reports today that the decision was made based on Christian beliefs that homosexuality is a sin.

It is understood the school has been ordered to apologise to the 28-year-old and pay him compensation. He now has a coaching job at another school so it’s all okay.

Chicken/Egg Mystery Finally Solved Once and For All

British scientists believe they have cracked the answer to the age-old question of which came first, the chicken or the egg?

Researchers have found that a protein called ovocleidin (OC-17) is crucial in the formulation of eggshells, and it is produced in the pregnant hen’s ovaries, the Daily Express reports.

Therefore, the answer to the conundrum must be that the chicken came first.

Using a high-tech computer to look at the molecular structure of a shell, the team of scientists from the Universities of Sheffield and Warwick found that OC-17 acts as a catalyst, kick-starting the conversion of calcium carbonate in the chicken’s body into calcite crystals.

They make up the hard shell that houses the yolk and its protective fluids while the chick develops.

“It had long been suspected that the egg came first but now we have the scientific proof that shows that in fact the chicken came first,” said Dr Colin Freeman, from Sheffield University.

“The protein had been identified before and it was linked to egg formation but by examining it closely we have been able to see how it controls the process.”

But the researchers have not yet got an answer to how the protein-producing chicken existed in the first place.

NOTICES:

Write an article for Satellite and if we publish it you will be eligible to win one of five $10 Westfield vouchers each issue. That’s right, contribute regularly and you could have a stash of cash in exchange for your hard work.

A few conditions apply, namely, the Editor’s decision is final in regards to the articles printed, so quality is essential. No discussion will be entered into, but if requested, tips and hints for improvement will be given. The prize will be drawn at random, and can be for contributions of articles, columns, letters to the Editor or reviews. The writer must be a student of Massey University Albany and there is a maximum of one voucher per student per issue. And this is all subject to change if this doesn’t work and blows up in our faces.

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