Fear. It is one of the few things everybody has, whether they admit it or not. It can be many things; fear of feelings, fear of loss, general phobias. For me it was (well, I thought it was) a fear of boats. There is no real way to talk about something like this without bringing in personal experience. I am not telling you what you should do; this is just what I did.
Just to be different, I’ll start at the beginning. When I was six, back in ’97, my class went on a field trip to Auckland on a ferry. I was absolutely fine with it and everything went superbly. Everyone had an awesome time and went home with tales of adventure for their parents (I do believe I said something about pirate ships, but hey, I was six!). It seemed like just another primary school day with a bit of a voyage stirred into the mix.
That night I had one of, if not the most fearful dreams of my life. It was of that very day. Everyone was on the ferry having a good time before things started to go wrong. I remember seeing a hole of blackness on the floor of the boat with water coming through the middle. As I looked up, every one ofmy friends, teachers, and every other passenger had disappeared. I was alone on a sinking boat, with no way to save myself. I woke up in a sweat and screaming. I never wanted to go near a boat again. It was a tremendous shame because I’d always loved the majesty and passion of the ocean. Until this very year I’d refused to go on a boat except for twice in England in ‘05 where I was forced on, nearly in tears.
Earlier this year though, I had realised that it was not a fear of boats I had;it was a fear of abandonment. I wasn’t screaming for my life in that dream, I was screaming for help. I had never really had a relationship with anyone in my life where I felt completely safe. Over my high school years though, I was lucky enough to finally develop a lasting friendship, someone I could finally trust. My friend has saved my life more times than I care to mention; from thoughts of suicide when I first met him to helping me when I was choking on my lunch.So he was the first friend I had to help me get through, well, anything!
Over time, and after I realised my true fear, I decided to put this boat thing to rest. Throughout this year my friend and I talked about the idea of travelling to places I’d never been before. We ended up deciding on Waiheke Island. After reaching the Devonport Ferry Terminal and getting onto the 11o’clock ferry, I was still a bit disconcerted about the whole thing, but after about fifteen minutes I was quite settled. In my own words, “There’s nothing quite liketaking fear and giving it a good kick up the arse!”
However, as was bound to be the case, the wheelchair was unable to get off at the Waiheke wharf. The Fullers Ferry crew though proved to be wonderful and extremely helpful people. Organising a round-about back to Devonport, we then got onto the bottom deck of an Auckland bound ferry which would then head back to Waiheke. Now able to get off at the wharf, my friend and I travelled inland to Oneroa village. After a good feed of fish and chips and a drive/walk down the beach (with a couple of dolphins to go), we, the dynamic duo, rushed to the wharf and managed to just make it in time for the last ferry back.
We finally managed to get back to the safe, and much flatter, North Shore thanks to a couple of free hot chocolates because of all the kerfuffle. After 3 hours of ferries, 2 hours of Waiheke, a great friend and an excellent Fullers crew, this so-called disabled boy got over his fear of freedom.
If you have a fear, there will always be someone to listen. There will always be someone to help. I can guarantee that. There isn’t much more I can say, other than good luck. Fears aren’t easy and short to get over, but if it’s possible for me, it’s possible for you.
Quote of the issue: “With confidence, you have won before you have started.” Marcus Garvey
-By ‘That crippled guy’ Blake Leitch