Ahhhh, Massey Albany. That bustling metropolis just over the bridge from, well, anywhere really. The university where it occasionally feels like the number of farm animals outnumbers the amount of students present on campus. Nonetheless, it’s your home now, so you need to learn to embrace it. No, not just embrace it, you need to live, breathe and BE Massey.

Here’s a few tips in order to ensure that you make the most of every moment at Massey University

1. Go to an Orientation event.

No, I’m not just saying that because I’m being paid to. There’s an awesome line-up of events this year, what with Nesian Mystik (Yay!), P-Money (double yay!) and a whole bunch of DJs I’ve never heard of but are apparently meant to be pretty rocking. Better yet, if music isn’t really your scene, there are other events like a Hypnotist and a quiz night for you to try your hand at. Chances are you’ll actually meet people at these events. I can’t guarantee you the quality or calibre of these people, but it will make you feel a little less like an island and more like a … cluster of islands…

2. Take advantage of the free stuff.

Being a student, one of the words that will be ingrained into your vocabulary will be none other than the word “FREE!”. I mean, free is even better than cheap!!! That’s like spending NO MONEY! ZOMG! But how? How do you acquire the brilliance that is free stuff (that you may or may not actually need)? Talk to the ASA exec! Enter the competitions both in Satellite and during Orientation! Volunteer to help during events (major perks here: you might get fed…and who says no to free food??). Too easy!

3. Actually try and attend lectures…

…because they’re what you’ve paid for. Seriously. Go and learn something.

4. Sit strategically in a lecture theatre

There’s an art to selecting where abouts in the lecture theatre you are going to sit. This is a crucial decision that MUST be made in the first lecture because the chances are that no-one else is likely to move seats over the duration of the semester. However, I’ve supplied you with a few helpful tips in successful seat acquisition

Don’t sit in the back row. These seats are usually frequented by those students who are either consistently late to lecturers or are too hung-over from the previous night to be able to handle the light coming from the PowerPoint Projector. You need to be considerate of these people, because one day it could be you.

Don’t sit in the front row. These are reserved for overzealous students and there’s a serious chance that you could get an eye poked out by the sheer velocity of their hand shooting up to answer a question (“OOOOooooo I know! I Know!